Black women are often accused of wearing frowns or scowls and, unfortunately, many of us have perfected the mean mug. But, when was the last time someone asked us “why?” Most of the time we’re just a little frustrated, or annoyed with being overworked, underappreciated, beaten, and used. So, I’m sorry if your attempt to “holla” was rejected. I just wasn’t in the mood. This stereotype has to go because we are not angry – in many cases we are disappointed or tired. Bear with us brothas; it’s not always about you. And when you see us frowning, just smile and remind us that we are not in this alone. Ninety percent of the time, this is all we needed to hear to get us through the day.
Show us that you are men and we won’t be able to take your manhood away from you. Fortunately and unfortunately, our culture has changed; therefore, the social dynamics between men and women have as well. In addition, women are more educated, make more money and are less dependent on men for our general needs and survival. But, I must ask, isn’t a man more than just a financial provider or shelf-reacher? We need you for much more than that. We want that strength and power that only you provide, but you must show it to us in order for us to see or appreciate it.
Talk to my ladies in “Black Girls Run” and other fitness groups made for and ran by Black women. Or follow @JeanetteJenkins on Twitter and see how much Black booty she kicks in a week. We love and take care of our bodies. Yes, collectively, we are not as trim as our White counterparts; but, we never have been. Remember, there is such a thing as thick and fit.
This stereotype not only insults Black women, but also our Latina, Asian and Caucasian sisters. Terms like “Spicy Latina”, “Asian Sensation” and others that are used to affirm the “prudism” of Black women, in turn insinuate that other women are hypersexual. Also, think about this, if the most popular images of you were of booty shakers, ghetto queens and slaves, wouldn’t you be a little more protective of your body and what you do with it?
A common and accepted reason for the “epidemic” of single Black women is that our standards are too high when it comes to choosing a mate. I disagree. If I consider myself a Queen, why wouldn’t I expect you to live up to your potential as a King? And if other women are OK with a Prince, Duke or Jester, then maybe their standards are too low.
Contrary to popular belief, not all Black women are “Waiting to Exhale,” trying to “Get Their Groove Back,” or searching for “Something New.” Unfortunately, the media believes, we are all running around chasing our tails trying to find a good Black man. Apparently, this is all we think about, talk about and live for. Who knew? It’s amazing we find time to get degrees, build businesses and hold note-worthy positions with fortune 500 companies with all that man-thought running through our one-track minds.
Statistically, it is no secret that the Black community has been plagued by generations of fatherless homes. But what the news doesn’t tell you is that many of us did and are growing up with our fathers or a father figure. And there are plenty of men living and growing up without their fathers. What is this doing to them in regards to their self-esteem, views on masculinity and relationships? Or are females the only ones being affected?
To my dismay, the light-skinned/ dark-skinned thing just won’t go away. And now with greater emphasis being placed on class, American society has found new ways of dividing Black women. It’s bad enough that women, in general, find a billion reasons not to get along (men, jealousy, men, choices in fashion, men, pettiness, men…), but then skin color and hair texture are added to the mix. We all like to judge each other by the way we look. If you’re light-skinned with long hair, you must be conceited and cold. If you’re dark-skinned and wear your hair kinky or curly, you must be Afro-centric or militant. Nope. This is not the case at all. I know plenty of women of many different hues and backgrounds that fit into those and many other categories. The cover doesn’t always represent the book. Black women aren’t either/or. We’re just us.